The modern wedding traditions were founded with straight people in mind, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun with them!

One member of the wedding party in a suit and another in a wedding dress is not just a tradition, but also means that because of the combination of styles that pairing brings, the outfits will probably look good together. However, as a queer woman who has and continues to date other queer women (the scandal!) I understand that it could get a little trickier to ensure my partner’s outfit and mine are coordinated and complementary if we both opt for a suit or both want to wear dresses. Especially if - and I go back and forth on the idea - we decide to go with the wedding tradition of not seeing your bride’s outfit until the day itself. How do you properly coordinate with an outfit you’re not letting yourself see?

Clothes shopping separately before you spend your lives together.

The first step is to be on the same page about what kind of wedding you want. Is it traditional? Boho? Or something else entirely? The more aligned you are at this stage, the easier it will be moving forward.

One option would be to appoint an intermediary, someone who you both trust (maybe a member of the extended wedding party) to be your go-between, making sure that your outfits won’t clash, and will match while not being matching (unless that’s a surprise you wouldn’t mind, although I’m not sure it’s to my tastes).

If you struggle to decide on an intermediary, you could simply ensure you both shop at the same store - albeit at different times. I’m sure an attendant would be happy to take into account that your two outfits need to go together, on top of your individual tastes and wants. While they may not know each of you as well as someone close to you would, they will have more experience dressing brides. If you’re lucky, they may even have done something similar for lesbian couples before!

If you’d prefer to go to different shops, or are ordering something custom, an easier option may be to decide on swatches beforehand. If both of you are working off of a pre-established and agreed upon colour scheme (whether that be matching shades of white, or something different), then you can give those to whoever is helping you with your wedding outfit, ensuring any hues will complement each other.

Don’t forget the extras.

Now, if you go with one of those options, or a combination, the hard part is out of the way, and your wedding outfits will match! However, the work isn’t quite done yet. There’s more to the wedding look than just the main outfit, don’t forget to ensure accessories match as well. This is something that can be a bit more collaborative, because they represent a much smaller part of your overall apparel, so will not be ruining a surprise if you share input on them - even if your future spouse hasn’t seen the proper outfit.

You may also want to put similar thought to the outfit into making sure you coordinate your bouquets. Not every set of brides will both opt for a bouquet, but regardless, if you’ve been discussing swatches and take other measures, then you can both (if you so wish) have beautiful floral bouquets without worrying about them clashing! I’m sure your florist will be more than accommodating. You may even, like with the ealier wedding dress example, benefit from ordering from the same florist so they are aware that the bouquets are meant to go together.


If you’re looking for a florist for your wedding, Hidden Botanics has a wide range of dried floral pieces made just for weddings! With dried flowers, you don’t have to worry about your arrangement wilting, and can keep a part of your wedding around long after the honeymoon! Our website also has specific packages for lesbian couples!


Alex x

May 09, 2022 — Cagla Cantimur

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